Jim and tonic

10:20am Thursday 7th August 2008

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MOST of the time you’ve as much chance of hearing good news in Soapland as seeing a headline reading GORDON BROWN IS AN EXCELLENT PRIME MINISTER. There are exceptions and this week is one of them when Jim Branning pays a surprise visit back home to celebrate his 75th birthday in EastEnders (BBC1).

Stacey and Bradley hope the surprise party will cheer up Dot, who’s been down after admitting that she can’t cope with Jim fulltime following his stroke.

When she sees the Happy Birthday banner Dot wants to cancel but it’s too late, Jim’s at the door. And, of course, she’s overjoyed to see him and help sing Happy Birthday. She tells him she wants him home for good and they end the afternoon holding hands on the sofa like a pair of lovebirds.

Alas, Jim’s return is only temporary and Soapland is plunged back into gloom and doom once he’s gone. Round at Bianca’s place, Wellard is behaving oddly and the vet is called. Bee-anchor is shocked to find her ex, Ricky, beside her when she wakes up.

She’s invited him to move back in with the Jackson clan because the kids are missing him. But she insisted no hanky-panky and, indeed, there hasn’t been. It’s just that Wellard has used the sofa, Ricky’s bed, as a toilet. Told you he was behaving oddly.

So Ricky has no choice but to share sleeping quarters with Beeanchor.

At least he won’t need an alarm clock when he’s got the dulcet tones of his former missus screaming Rickee-ee-ee-ee-ee at the top of her lungs.

Over in Coronation Street (ITV1) the Steve-Michelle will they, won’t they? (get back together) saga rumbles on. Things look bad when the Rovers’ barmaid arrives back with a man on her arm. A tattoo Steve might forgive but not another chap.

Turns out he’s from her past and he makes her an offer – to go on tour as a backing singer in her band. Next thing you know she’ll be auditioning for a TV talent show to form a pop group called Hear’say.

Steve, unusually, does something sensible and tells Michelle they’ve either got to get back together or finish it. She opts to forgive Steve and give it another go – after she’s been on tour with her old chum.

Romantic troubles too for Demonic David and Tina, who’s dumped him after discovering that he’s been reading her private emails. Fed up with him hanging around the kebab shop where she works, she goes to his place of work – the swanky hairdressers, says she wants her hair done and then complains that he’s scalded her while washing her hair. It’s a revenge plot worthy of David in his more demonic days.

In Emmerdale (ITV1), Viv has the bright idea of staging a mock trial to see how she and husband Bob will get on in their forthcoming trial for fraud. The outcome isn’t what she wanted – everyone thinks she did it.

Her next cunning plan is equally mad. She convinces Bob that they should do a runner. And she doesn’t mean the Great North Run. She reckons they should flee Emmerdale with the twins to avoid standing trial.

Perhaps Rodney the author could write a book about the nohope Hopes. His children’s book doesn’t seem to be going down too well. Ex-wife Diane sneaks a look and is appalled to find herself depicted as miserable and moody Diesel Di.

Rodders, fed up with people’s bad reactions to his writing, throws the manuscript on the barbecue. This is bad news for daughter Nicola who’s planning to make a fortune out of selling the book to a publisher.